


Strong

by ascatman



Series: Non-smut drabbles [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Angst, M/M, One-Sided Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-23
Updated: 2012-12-23
Packaged: 2017-11-22 04:05:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/605626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ascatman/pseuds/ascatman
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>you keep smiling, you’ll never let him know that you know. And then he’s gone. When he’s gone, your grin fades slowly. You swallow, trying to hold in what you know is coming. You can do it, you tell yourself.</p><p>Because you’re STRONG.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Strong

Alone. You’re alone in your hive. Your matesprit has left you to head home for the night. He never stays, though you offer every time. He’s always been adamant about that. You offer the couch, you offer to let him have the bedroom while you sleep on the couch even, but he always politely declines. So polite about everything. Even those painful things that he always tries to say. You always cut him off. Always look away and pretend you didn’t hear. Anything to postpone what you know is coming. And you know it’s coming.

Your name is Horuss Zahhak and you aren’t stupid.

You wait for him to leave, waving, smiling, that grin never leaves your face, even as you move in for an awkward goodbye kiss. He always kisses back, but you know he doesn’t want to. You can tell it’s forced. But you keep smiling, you’ll never let him know that you know. And then he’s gone. When he’s gone, your grin fades slowly. You swallow, trying to hold in what you know is coming. You can do it, you tell yourself.

Because you’re STRONG.

 _No one is stronger than you._ You hold onto that thought as you collapse face first on the couch, yanking your goggles off and tossing them carelessly aside. You draw in a deep shuddering breath and let it out in a sob. You’re not nearly as strong as everyone thinks. You wish you were. You wish you could face it. You grip the couch a little too tightly, tearing it, reminding yourself how strong you are. Physically strong. It doesn’t mean a thing to you.

You can face it.

You make up your mind. You can’t keep doing this. Tomorrow you’ll face it. Tomorrow. You can tell yourself that as much as you like, but you know. You know what will happen tomorrow. He’ll come over like always. You’ll greet him with a hug and he’ll give you one in return, pat you on the back like you were old friends rather than matesprits. You’ll take it though, you always do. Then you’ll sit down, play some cards, make some small talk, dance around the problem. Or at least you will. He’ll try to say something. Try to bring it up. But you’ll cut him off. Then he’ll shut up. He’ll look sad, he always does. Because he’s not as confident as everyone thinks.

You love him though.

You love him no matter how little confidence he has. You love him despite his blood color. He makes you whole. Makes you feel loved. No one else could love him the way you do. He’s so much more important to you than you are to him and you’re okay with that. You would give anything to see him happy. Anything but this. Because this is the one thing you need to stay happy. To keep sane. 

You’ll just keep smiling.

You suck it up. Wipe furiously at your face with the back of your hand. You try to force a smile. It’ll be okay. You just need to keep smiling. To stay happy. You head to your room. You need to sleep. To retreat to your dreams. That’s what you do every night after he leaves. Because in your dreams it’s just like old times. You’re both passionate about each other. An equal amount of love coming from both of you. Just how you wish it would be. Just how it never will be again.

You really wish you were stronger.


End file.
